weird

I'm just wondering is it weird that I asked for Diapers for my birthday?

To be honest I can't say there is anything I really want. I need new clothes and could use a new a pot or pan. Um I don't really want new pot's and pans for my birthday. Other then that I Can't think of anything.
Ugh Nolan ate my brain I am way behind on my gifts. I have no freaking clue what to get Brian or anyone else. We have Four birthday in the next month. Then on top of Christmas I have a handful of items bought. ugh maybe everyone will get GC's for Christmas. I started making a list of things for Family and didn't get very far.

Maybe I will get a Dr Who Dvd older season.

clueless

Brian's Birthday is in 13 day's I have no idea what to get him.
Don't say anything about Apple there is something in the works for Christmas. Enough said on that.

Ryan or Justin are there any good Wii games he might like. Or anyone else for that matter do you have any idea's.

New picture

here is a new picture of Nolan thats all I have time for. Sorry I will make a real post in a day or two. I'm still not loving formula but it is helping my baby. He is happier and has some meat on him. He has started sleeping longer at night. granted I still can't get him to take naps oh well suh is life.

ugh I got wordy must get some sleep.

ten facts

1: I have a tattoo of a butterfly on my leg.
2: In 2002 I had my eyebrow pierced.
3: I love love love campy TV
4: Bird watching is one of my favorite things to do with my Daddy.
5: My computers name is squirt because its green.
6: I have a weakness for books.
7: I spend way too much money on Diapers and makeup yes I am a snob.
8: Tea is one of my favorite hot drinks.
9: I have been pulled over twice by the cops.
10: Eggplant is good.

Now you know a little more about me did you learn anything new?

hello

Sadly I don't have much to say life as been normal. Oh I got a 5 hour block of sleep last night looks like Nolan is falling into a good pattern.

Brian is talking about taking a long weekend up to Seattle in October.


oh we got the new KT Tunstal album would love to say it rocks. Sadly I haven't had a chance to hear it. Brian has it boo oh well This weekend its all mine.


I have some craft ideas. Can't wait to get back to playing with crafts.

edit

I want to edit the previous post.

I have no problem with parents that chose to use formal. I just don't like it being pushed on me. I don't see it as the great problem solver. For now we have fit in some extra feedings with formula and EBM.



Other then that this week has been slow. Monday I spent some time with my friend Sarah that was nice. Last night we went to Baskin Robbins for dollar cone night.

Weekly weigh ins

Warning : This post is rated A for adult. Below contains some Adult language feel free to skip if this might offend you. This is a rant by a hurt mama who has tried her hardest yet that is not enough.


Friday we had our first weigh in with the LC. Boy did that feel like a joke Lactation Consultants my a$$. They are more like Formal dealers. They didn't offer any help like Milk donations or trying to up my supply. Nope I was told we have to get Nolan's weight up and if we don't they will take him. So the way to do this Formal what a crock of Shit. I paid you 20$ to be told this what a waste of my time. Get this I get the wonderful pleasure of going back every Friday.

Yes they told me they will take my baby do know how that makes me feel?

The pusher told us to feed him an extra 12-16 oz's a day. I have pumped twice today so I can give him extra mama juice with the Formal.
I hate feeling like I"m not enough for him. I can see the difference and it breaks my heart seeing that my child was not getting enough to eat. I knew my supply was low but, know idea how low it really is. I guess its back to drinking mothers milk tea and pumping every moment I can.


:End of Rant I will talk about something happier tomorrow.

the coast

Nolan and I went to the Coast today. This we our first trip and things went pretty well. My good friend from high school is in town. So we packed up all the kids and hit the Beach.

Nolan had his four month check up. we have fallen off the weigh chart. Nolan has had a hard time gaining weigh. So get to do mom baby visits now to watch his weigh.
This makes me feel bad about myself like I can't take care of my child.
the though of giving up breastfeeding has crossed my mind. Or I could just pump that way we could up his amount.

I feel so helpless hate this feeling.

Really fast like

Nolan is taking a nap so I have a moment to update.
Life might be changing for the Dickman family soon. Brian and I are talking about moving. We have started a pro-con list and have done a little research on the town. Who knows what will come of it. I am more then willing to try something new.

Bear is at the vets right now he had to have surgery for a bladder stone. Poor guy he peed on the bed Wed night. That is what made us think something was wrong. The vet visit is going to set us back a pretty penny.
Ruby misses Bear she has been looking for her playmate. Cats are so funny I though she didn't like Bear guess I was wrong.

Nolan and I still struggle with naps and sleeping. I rather dislike going any were social because I get stuck with a cranky baby that will not nap. Not sure what to do anymore. I am at my wits end and so sleep deprived that CIO sounds good to me.
Just wish there were more people around me who have the same problems. I feel really alone in my parenting problems.

We got some pears from Brian's aunt and uncle so I baked them for baby food.
Shalisa and Kristi do you have any good baby food recipes?
Now that veggies like squash and carrots are cheap at the farmers market. I want to start getting things ready for making baby food.
I would like to try my hand at applesauce. There is a great farm up the street from us with all kinds of apples. We got our pumpkins from them last year and will again this year.

have been thinking of making a HSO widow blog. Brian has been working on the program every night. Thinking of asking Ryan if Brian can have a night off. I would like to have see and talk to him at the same time.

Well I think that about covers it.

Candy

The other day I got a package from New Zealand. Why you ask because I did a snack swap with a girl there. I sent here a bunch of yummy things from the US and in return I got treat from the land down under. we have had fun trying all of these new and odd things.

Today has been a hard day once again Nolan thinks naps are not for him. ON top of all it we were at the in laws ugh. At the moment Brian and Nolan are taking a nap.
So I'm enjoying so me time.