cuteness

Alright here is a cute picture of my son.

Guess What

I have a job interview for a Esthetician job on Thursday I can not wait. This job is made for me it is only one day a week.
How great is that they also sell skin care I love love.

teeth

Nolan has two more teeth coming in on the bottom. That makes a grand total of three go baby go. He is really trying to crawl he wants it so bad. With the teeth and milestones sleep is not really happing.



here is Nolan loving the computer.

Family Christmas letter

We got the Dickman Christmas letter for this year. Grandma for the most part forgets to add me Such is life . I also like to see what she has forgotten or got wrong. I really think she should have someone proof read it for her. This year it is that Nolan has big Brown eyes . Well he does have big eye but they are blue.

Sibling update

I got a note in the mail from her today.

"Sara
I am sorry that I slapped you. I am even more so that Nolan was in your arms. I don't know why you are so against me,never the less, I love you."

well lets see I am not against her. Yes the things I said hurt they were the truth. I know that does not mean they should be said or any less painful.

Not sure what to say about all of this. Every thing is jumbled up in my mind right now. I could go with out talking to her for a while. Well that's nothing new to be honest we don't talk much.

my heart hurts that's normal for things in this case. I am not ready to talk to her plus I feel she should call me. If in fact she is really sorry then its up to her.

If she has hit Nolan or me more then twice I would have called the cops on her. The only reason I didn't slug her was because Brian stepped in front of me.
My dad thinks that he and I need to talk. I don't' think we have anything to say he stood by while my sister assaulted me. Pretty sure he is going to say something along the lines of we don't cuss in this house young lady. Well I didn't think we hit in this house dad.

blah so looks like the holidays just got so much better.

Siblings

My sister and I have never been super close. After today I don't think we will ever be close again.
Or for that matter have relationship of any kind. We got in a huge fight at my folks today screaming,calling names and her hitting me. Yes I know have a swollen eye from my little sister hitting me twice while my baby was in my arms.

I don't think there is any hope for us. That could just be the hurt and anger talking at the moment.

um a little this and that

Nolan has learned to roll every where. The cats are now on the look out for him.
Today has been well for lack of better words Hell. Nolan has wanted to be held all day. He has put up a fight for naps. This meaning we have only gotten two.
Ok I think the time has come for me to really look for a job. I am losing my ever loving mind being home with him 24/7.

Oh I got Nolan some new diapers when they come I will do a cute picture.

gifts

Ugh there are only 20 days until Christmas. I have gifts that need to be finished or started. All of the supplies are ready. Now I just need the time to bust some things out ahahhhhhhhh. Tami I might take you up on a Nolan over night so I can craft.


Other then that things are goodish. Nolan has a tooth I will take a picture after his nap. He got a top side tooth first. I had know idea that vampires where in our family line. ahahha oh how silly I am.

ugh the things my mom say's

last night we were at my folks. These are a few things my mom said to me while there.

So what size is Nolan wearing now?
me well some of his 6 month clothes are getting a little tight.
Mom : well he is getting a tummy. Maybe you should give him a bottle with water in it.
Me : No mom he doesn't need water.
Mom: he will not no the difference.
Me : no no no and its not good for him. I'm not over feeding him
Mom: how do you know your not over feeding him?
Me : Yes I know his cue's.

this one took place last week.

Mom: so are you letting Nolan cry ?
Me : no
Mom is he sleeping in his crib yet?
Me no we co sleep
Mom so he um sleeps with you all the time.
Me Yes we co sleep
mom oh hmmm I see.


I love my mom. She just has no idea why we parent the way we do.

what do you do

When your in laws are last minute people?




You get a email saying maybe we should draw names for gifts.
Well thats all fine and dandy but, you have all ready started. Buying or making the gifts you plan on giving.

Holiday Recap

Alright so Thanksgiving went better then I could have hoped for. We had dinner at Brian's folks house my parents also came over.
Then Nolan stayed the night with Grandma and Grandpa Dickman for our anniversary. Brian and I rented a movie and just enjoyed each other. Friday morning we got up and went to Fred Meyers for socks. After we were done getting socks for all family members it was back to bed.
Saturday we headed up to a family meet up in Spirit lake Washington woot. That was boring and well boring. I did get to meet back up with my baby so that was nice. Then we headed up to the Smiths Nolan slept for almost the whole drive. Friday night Shalisa feed us this really yummy Pot pie.

Saturday Shalisa and I meet up with Kristi while the boys played. They were installing Leopard on the mac's.
I had a great visit Nolan did alright not the best but not horrid.

oh Shalisa what is the magazine you get? I tried looking it up but couldn't recall the right name.
thank you for having us.
Justin and Kristi it was great meeting you face to face.

Heading out

Alright we the Dickmans are heading out of town for a short visit. First stop family Woot woot second stop Shelton. We Plan on seeing our friends the Smiths and meeting some new ones.
Brian and Ryan have computer stuff to do joy. Shalisa and I will visit and talk crafts and diapers.


I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.
Last night was our 4th wedding anniversary we rented a movie and had a nice quite night without baby.

Family

These are the people that know you best. They also know what buttons to push and when to do so.

That said I love mine even if they drive me bonkers. I am not really looking forward to the Holiday's this year. Our wedding anniversary falls on Thanksgiving this year. Then Friday I guess there is a thing at Brian's Aunt and Uncles. Don't get me wrong they are very nice people I just don't want two days of them.
On top of all of this my folks are coming over to the Dickman's for Thanksgiving day. I know it was my idea but, now I'm having second thoughts.
Is it bad that I feel this way?
part of me is really happy one person will be missing thats mean. Oh well its the truth I have bent over backwards to get to know her. She on the other has not sad but true after five years she has know idea who I am.

Sleep Over

Last night Nolan had his very first sleep over. Things went great he had a blast and slept great. He and aunt Tami played and snuggled.
Mommy did alright she cried a little when things hit that he was not home. We did enjoy having some "grown up" time wink wink ;). We went out to dinner and hung out at BN looked at at few books. I had to take a sleeping pill to get some sleep last night.

Right now he is taking a good long nap we have been down 1.5 hours.

coming for a visit

We are coming up to Shelton Sat Nov 24th.
So Kristi I know Cohen is due around that time. If things work out maybe we can meet. I have a little something for you. Granted I have to finish making it and might just mail it up to you.

Shalisa I can't wait to see you and miss Maddie.

thank you for your kind words about nursing. You both have been so helpful with mommy things.

insert wacky saying here.

Lets see I have time for a real update while Nolan sleeps.
The "pusher's" won in the end Nolan has not nursed in a month. My supply died a little over 2 weeks ago. I think the mastitis was the last straw. I miss it and am very sad that Nursing has come to a end for us. I will nurse longer with baby number 2 if there is a baby.

Sleep that is a joke for the last 5 nights Nolan has been waking every 2.5 or 3 hours. We might be in the 6 month growth spurt. None the less it really stinks and makes us very crabby.

I have been thinking about getting a Holiday job. This being at home thing is killing me and making my Depression worst. I looked up MOP groups but there are none that don't meet during Nap time.

Being a stay at home mom just might not be for me.
We keep talking about going back to church and then don't . I am not sure how it works with a 6 month old who is clingy.

I think thats about all for now. there are other things I could say but, I am not sure who reads this.

Masatitis

So it looks like I have Mastitis woot. I'm waiting for my Dr's office to call me back about coming in.

I live and will give a real update later.

the worst feeling

Having to say good bye to your husband on I chat.
Tied crying on I chat while talking to husband who is in Mexico.

I miss you Brian.

me myself and I

Brian is out of town until Saturday afternoon. He left at 3 am this morning so I get to be a single parent. This kind of sucks what does not kill you makes your stronger right.

I think Nolan is done nursing which makes me sad. I have been having a hard time pumping so who knows what is going to happen.
Nolan had a few bites of sweet potato that other day. He did really well with it and seemed to like it. We will wait a little longer to make solids more of a real thing.

Now time to hit the shower while that baby sleeps.

Oh we were given a High chair by some friends that was a real blessing.

no more happy

Teething is the suck.

Thats all!

smile

smile
Originally uploaded by kewidoll

Just wanted to share the cuteness.

Birthday

We had birthday dinner with the Dickman's on Sunday. The lunch went well enough Nolan was cranky and not having a nap. The thing I hate about sharing my Birthday dinner is getting shared cards. Brian's Grandparents give us one card I get one line. Oh well its not that huge of a deal.
This Sunday we will have dinner with the Gardner's. Wed the 17th is my Dad's b day.

My mom took me shopping for my birthday and I found some great deals.

So far my day is going well. Brian had a card waiting for me when I woke up. I just got notice that our diapers are in the mail. Woot!!!!
Edit Brian came home early with Sunflowers and a itune GC. He is now going to get Dirty bird for us.

Nursing strike is still on blah meaning I get to spend time with the pump.

Brian is heading out of town next week for a few days. We will miss him maybe he will bring us some thing back from Mexico.

the 27th we have a work dinner at this nice place down town that should be fun. I'm looking forward to having a nice night out.

Breaking News

we just got back from the "pusher's" LC office. Nolan has gained enough weigh that we don't have to go back until November.

We have to keep up with the extra feeding's which sucks. I am glad my little boy is gaining , healthy and happy.

So I will be happy and grateful for those two things. He is in the Lords hands things will work out.

Look

I found a new money saving site. For all you parents and or friends you can save money on baby stuff and more.

http://babycheapskate.blogspot.com/

she post's coupon codes and other great ideas.

Nothing Nice to Say

Mom told me that if you don't have anything nice to say. Then don't say anything at all.
That being said tomorrow we go see the "pusher's". Who I can thank for the screaming nursing strike baby.

Sadly that is all going on in my life right now.

Oh I get one year closer to 30 in a few days go me!

weird

I'm just wondering is it weird that I asked for Diapers for my birthday?

To be honest I can't say there is anything I really want. I need new clothes and could use a new a pot or pan. Um I don't really want new pot's and pans for my birthday. Other then that I Can't think of anything.
Ugh Nolan ate my brain I am way behind on my gifts. I have no freaking clue what to get Brian or anyone else. We have Four birthday in the next month. Then on top of Christmas I have a handful of items bought. ugh maybe everyone will get GC's for Christmas. I started making a list of things for Family and didn't get very far.

Maybe I will get a Dr Who Dvd older season.

clueless

Brian's Birthday is in 13 day's I have no idea what to get him.
Don't say anything about Apple there is something in the works for Christmas. Enough said on that.

Ryan or Justin are there any good Wii games he might like. Or anyone else for that matter do you have any idea's.

New picture

here is a new picture of Nolan thats all I have time for. Sorry I will make a real post in a day or two. I'm still not loving formula but it is helping my baby. He is happier and has some meat on him. He has started sleeping longer at night. granted I still can't get him to take naps oh well suh is life.

ugh I got wordy must get some sleep.

ten facts

1: I have a tattoo of a butterfly on my leg.
2: In 2002 I had my eyebrow pierced.
3: I love love love campy TV
4: Bird watching is one of my favorite things to do with my Daddy.
5: My computers name is squirt because its green.
6: I have a weakness for books.
7: I spend way too much money on Diapers and makeup yes I am a snob.
8: Tea is one of my favorite hot drinks.
9: I have been pulled over twice by the cops.
10: Eggplant is good.

Now you know a little more about me did you learn anything new?

hello

Sadly I don't have much to say life as been normal. Oh I got a 5 hour block of sleep last night looks like Nolan is falling into a good pattern.

Brian is talking about taking a long weekend up to Seattle in October.


oh we got the new KT Tunstal album would love to say it rocks. Sadly I haven't had a chance to hear it. Brian has it boo oh well This weekend its all mine.


I have some craft ideas. Can't wait to get back to playing with crafts.

edit

I want to edit the previous post.

I have no problem with parents that chose to use formal. I just don't like it being pushed on me. I don't see it as the great problem solver. For now we have fit in some extra feedings with formula and EBM.



Other then that this week has been slow. Monday I spent some time with my friend Sarah that was nice. Last night we went to Baskin Robbins for dollar cone night.

Weekly weigh ins

Warning : This post is rated A for adult. Below contains some Adult language feel free to skip if this might offend you. This is a rant by a hurt mama who has tried her hardest yet that is not enough.


Friday we had our first weigh in with the LC. Boy did that feel like a joke Lactation Consultants my a$$. They are more like Formal dealers. They didn't offer any help like Milk donations or trying to up my supply. Nope I was told we have to get Nolan's weight up and if we don't they will take him. So the way to do this Formal what a crock of Shit. I paid you 20$ to be told this what a waste of my time. Get this I get the wonderful pleasure of going back every Friday.

Yes they told me they will take my baby do know how that makes me feel?

The pusher told us to feed him an extra 12-16 oz's a day. I have pumped twice today so I can give him extra mama juice with the Formal.
I hate feeling like I"m not enough for him. I can see the difference and it breaks my heart seeing that my child was not getting enough to eat. I knew my supply was low but, know idea how low it really is. I guess its back to drinking mothers milk tea and pumping every moment I can.


:End of Rant I will talk about something happier tomorrow.

the coast

Nolan and I went to the Coast today. This we our first trip and things went pretty well. My good friend from high school is in town. So we packed up all the kids and hit the Beach.

Nolan had his four month check up. we have fallen off the weigh chart. Nolan has had a hard time gaining weigh. So get to do mom baby visits now to watch his weigh.
This makes me feel bad about myself like I can't take care of my child.
the though of giving up breastfeeding has crossed my mind. Or I could just pump that way we could up his amount.

I feel so helpless hate this feeling.

Really fast like

Nolan is taking a nap so I have a moment to update.
Life might be changing for the Dickman family soon. Brian and I are talking about moving. We have started a pro-con list and have done a little research on the town. Who knows what will come of it. I am more then willing to try something new.

Bear is at the vets right now he had to have surgery for a bladder stone. Poor guy he peed on the bed Wed night. That is what made us think something was wrong. The vet visit is going to set us back a pretty penny.
Ruby misses Bear she has been looking for her playmate. Cats are so funny I though she didn't like Bear guess I was wrong.

Nolan and I still struggle with naps and sleeping. I rather dislike going any were social because I get stuck with a cranky baby that will not nap. Not sure what to do anymore. I am at my wits end and so sleep deprived that CIO sounds good to me.
Just wish there were more people around me who have the same problems. I feel really alone in my parenting problems.

We got some pears from Brian's aunt and uncle so I baked them for baby food.
Shalisa and Kristi do you have any good baby food recipes?
Now that veggies like squash and carrots are cheap at the farmers market. I want to start getting things ready for making baby food.
I would like to try my hand at applesauce. There is a great farm up the street from us with all kinds of apples. We got our pumpkins from them last year and will again this year.

have been thinking of making a HSO widow blog. Brian has been working on the program every night. Thinking of asking Ryan if Brian can have a night off. I would like to have see and talk to him at the same time.

Well I think that about covers it.

Candy

The other day I got a package from New Zealand. Why you ask because I did a snack swap with a girl there. I sent here a bunch of yummy things from the US and in return I got treat from the land down under. we have had fun trying all of these new and odd things.

Today has been a hard day once again Nolan thinks naps are not for him. ON top of all it we were at the in laws ugh. At the moment Brian and Nolan are taking a nap.
So I'm enjoying so me time.

um

I should be sleeping oh well thats what naps are for. Not much is going on with my life. Nolan is in the middle of a growth spurt. This means cranky city for us. Poor little guy and mama.

Brian is about done with summer classes woot. This means I get to have him around for a few weeks. Then it all starts back up just with different days.

I started Christmas Shopping yes I am crazy. After years of customer service I rather dislike the mall. When all the holiday's are here they make me stressed.


My sister is coming home for a visit in the next month. I haven't seen her in a year if not longer. She lives in Alaska long story as to why this is. I am proud of her she is going back to school and raising a daughter on her own.

alright off to bed

here is a open link to a cute Nolan picture. I kind of suck at hmlt if any one wants to make a cheat sheet that would be great.
Good night!

http://flickr.com/photos/kewidoll/1215777462/

trying something new

Last night I started reading no cry solution. This made me rethink how Nolan is going down for naps and bed. I have to now retrain both of us not to nurse to sleep. ugh today I have been fighting with him since 11:38 to take a nap ugh. The second thing I have to fix is making sure he sleeps by himself. we have gotten in a habit of sleeping next to me at nap time. Every time he falls asleep and I try to move him he wakes up.
I it will take time but ugh we are having people over tonight and I have so much to do.

milestone

Nolan rolled over for the first time this morning. Watching him do this was amazing. I felt this surge of pride and pleasure. Then called Brian to let him know.

Nolan is snoring next to me right now. ahhh cute baby snoring!

Oh I found these snacks that i'm in love with. Called Just tomatoes they are freeze dried veggies and fruit. I joined a coop so I could get some at wholesale. there will be some sent to my sister in Alaska this winter.

Thinking

This last week I have been thinking a lot about mental health and happiness.
I really dislike saying this breath here it goes. I need help yes that's right I Sara need help that comes from a pill.
A few years ago I had a break down while at school. We are talking crying ,sweating end of the world panic attack. They even called the EMT to come check me out and called Brian. I was diagnosed as being GAD general anxiety disorder with a side of depression. I worked really hard to get myself healthy with the help of a councilor and pills.
I even went back to school and finished the hours to become a Esthetician.
Granted I didn't finishing getting my hair credits but oh well.This made me feel great to conker my fears and phobias.

Why am I talking about all this because once again I'm in need of a little help. I know this is not some thing I should be embarrassed about. Being at home with a crying baby has made me not so happy. With a little help from someone to talk to along with some chemicals. I will get better this is just a means to an end not the end of the world. This too shall pass and I will get stronger in the end.

I am thankful for the hard times from these we learn and grow.

rambling

I sort of miss buying school supplies. Stores are stocking up for the up coming school year. I loved getting new paper and crayons as a child.

Lets see not much else going on right now. Sunday the Smith family stoped by on there back home. I had a nice time visiting with them sadly it was much too short.

I should be in bed

Having Brian in summer school is really taking a toll on me. I feel like he is not home even when he is. Right now Brian and Nolan are sleeping something I should be doing. I will head to bed in a few moments I just needed some down time.

Nolan's sleeping has gotten worst it is taking hours to get him to sleep. So the last few nights I have taken to just having him sleep with us. I don't sleep as well this way but, I'm not fighting a baby all night to get him to sleep.

In the last few days Nolan has become anti baby carrier. this makes things a little more trouble some.

Bear our cat has become more needy since we brought Nolan home. We lavish love on him he should not be wonting. Silly Cat this is Bear for those of you that have never meet him. http://flickr.com/photos/kewidoll/359776323/
Friday I get to take miss Ruby to the vets this should be fun.

Happy Friday!

For you parents out there do any of you have baby that hates the car? Nolan screams whenever we get in the car. How do any if you deal with this? When I have errands to run that are in Portland with a screaming baby means they don't get done.
Some day I would like to leave the house.


I'm leaving the house tomorrow with or without Brian. hmm what should I do with this freedom? well for one I need to get some nipple balm for Erin's baby shower gift.

What age does it cost for a baby to fly? October Nolan and I are heading to California to see family and have Jada's 5th birthday.

Here is a family picture of us taken Monday http://flickr.com/photos/dawt/857089188/

oh do any of you co sleep? Right now we do well at least part time. He starts in his bed. Then we finish in our bed after first wake up we nurse in bed.

those of you that baby wear an use wraps what is your favorite kind? I really want a wrap not sure what kind.I have a mei tai and love it the RS and I don't get along right now.

wow lots of questions.

cloth

cloth
Originally uploaded by kewidoll

New SOS diaper with ships on it. I spent more then normal on this cute one size diaper. oh well I had extra PP so why not.

man I'm being a posting whore today. thats what happens when you sit on the couch all day nursing with the laptop.

looking cute

looking cute
Originally uploaded by kewidoll

took this the other day. Please don't mind the ugly couch it came with Brian. Sadly haven't been able too make it leave.

Not happy

With the hot weather Nolan is having a hard time sleeping. I can't take this any more the whole day with him. Then spending hours trying to get him to sleep. Ugh I feel like a only parent when I'm not. I have a wonderful husband yet I do all of the parenting. Most of it has to do with Nolan only wanting me. and Brian finishing school. I need a moment to myself even if only i can pee by myself.

sleeping we have the no cry book yet haven't had a chance to read it. all he wan'ts to do is nurse and sleep. I think we are in a growth spurt.

Thunder storms

First because Kristi asked here is a link to see Nolan's photos. http://flickr.com/photos/dawt/sets/72157600207385454/
Because I killed my camera sad I know. Tried to make it swim when my water spilled in my hand bag. These are on Brian's flickr account.
Sorry it has taken me a bit.
My supply issue is getting better turns out a lot of it was due to stress. Brian has been pushing formula on me. I have brewers yeast that I should add to my oatmeal. I also have mothers milk tea that is good on ice.

The whole reason for this post was the thunder storm we had last night. I love storms for no real reason just that I do. The rain hitting the roof is a great sound to fall asleep too. Oh the fresh smell after the rain how every thing is clean.

I'm getting better at this stay at home mom thing. Sadly my wax pot has a huge layer of dust on it. I miss waxing people pulling that unwanted hair out.
I know things will get better as he gets older and we meet more mommies.
Next weeks goal find a bible study for mom's or just one I like. Take more walks Nolan does not like the stroller must fix that.

A few things

So first off I'm not sure if I am cut out to be a stay at home mom. I know Nolan is only 7 weeks old but, I want to go back to work. I love him more then anything else in life I just can't be at home all day. There are days when all he does is cry this in turn makes me cry. I know its going to be hard but ugh....

Cloth Diapering is going well we still don't have enough for a full day. We are using sposies at night while we work on building our stash. That and we change him when we nurse at night makes for a happy baby.

Saturday we went to dinner alone while Nolan stayed with Brian's sister. He did a really good job staying with her.
we have been having a supply issue so I have been pumping and eating lots of oats. I hate supplementing with formal since its nasty stuff. Sadly we had to do it twice so far granted just an oz.

A long long time

Not that I think anyone reads this but here it goes. We had Baby a little boy on May tenth by c section. After being in Labor for 2.5 days and not making any progress. We had to have section turns out little man was facing the wrong way. My Midwife said he was Sunny side up.

His stats 9 lbs 13 oz
21.5 inches
ten toes and fingers
a head of dark blond hair.

These last three weeks have been hard and amazing all at once.